Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
