You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize