he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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