I could make wine with my vomit
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize