She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Houston, we have a blender
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
