He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
