It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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