Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
