its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
