My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How's work?
Spinning.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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