So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
