I want to stick my p in your. b.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
