im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
