So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
