I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
