I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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