I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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