I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
