forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize