we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
