So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
