My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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