It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize