All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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