her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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