the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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