He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
