At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
