I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
