one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
