Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
