last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
