ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just high enough for therapy.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize