No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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