I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize