Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
