I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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