I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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