I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
