I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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