thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize