you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
