Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
