I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
