I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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