I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If I die, sorry about rent.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
