Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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