I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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