im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
