Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
