hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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