so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
