I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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