Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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