Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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