roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
