Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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