toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
