the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
