do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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