i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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