the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
