You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
