I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
