Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
