shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
