I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
