Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
