before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
