Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
