carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
