I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
