My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So apparently I’m into choking now
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