I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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