Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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