if i can run in heels then i can drive
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
