pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
